It starts with a P...

I like to lurk on a website called Mormon Mommy Wars which is just a bloggy type site for Mormon Mommys to give mostly humorous account of life and children. There are some funny posts. I like it! But one post today reminded me of a couple of funny stories of my own, and while I recover my sanity for half an hour (I've been loading the classes for the Gloucester 2 retreat nearly all day yesterday and since this morning too and my brain is fried), I thought I'd share them with you.

My friend Kristin in Utah told me this story a few years ago. Her friend and her husband live in a small town in Arizona. Very small. Teensy. And she and her husband have PhD's, so they are both known as ‘The Doctors’ by most of the community there (although not of medicine y’know). Anyway she was pregnant and had a visit with her gynaecologist one morning.

So…there she was…lying on the exam couch, wearing nothing but her freckles and a paper gown…just waiting for the doctor to come in…chewing gum. Chewing gum!!! “Oh no” (thinks she). “This isn’t quite the ‘thing’ for one of ‘The Doctors’. I have a bit of a standing in this here community…I need to get rid of my gum!” Well, as she was pretty pregnant by now, and already on the couch, she just took the gum and stuck it to the inside of her paper gown. After all, it was only going to get thrown away. The logical thing to do....

So, Mr Gynae arrives for the exam and begins to prod about in the undercarriage area, shall we say, when he suddenly stops and says, “Oh. Ummm…your gum?!” “Oh I know…soooorrrryyyyy,” says she. “I didn’t have anywhere else to put it.” “Oooh. Oookaaay” says the doctor, and carries on, looking a little perplexed but professional through and through.

It was only when she was getting dressed afterwards that she realised the gum was not, in fact, attached to her gown…but to her…oh yes…there…you know…

It starts with a P and rhymes with boobs.

This second story was told to me by a friend at university a few years ago. I am not convinced that this is definitely true and may be an urban myth (please comment if you have ever been told this story). She swore to me it was a friend of hers it happend to though....

So...my friend (she said) had a friend up in Leeds (in the North of England for all you foreigners!) who was going for a smear test one fine day. Well, the mantra 'clean, clean, clean' was going through her mind. She'd had a shower, put on nice clean knickers, shaved her legs...clean, clean, clean. Anyway, about half an hour before the appointment she was in the town centre when she desperately needed a wee. Uh oh...bit of a problem...once she'd done the deed, she realised there was no toilet paper in the cubicle. 'Clean, clean, clean' thinks she, so she rummages around in her handbag for something...ANYTHING...to wipe herself with, and finds an old tissue at the bottom of her bag. Phew!

So...half an hour later she finds herself on the examination couch, legs up, things being inserted...when all of a sudden the doctor stops and exclaims, "Oh. That's a funny place to keep a stamp!"

It starts with a P and rhymes with boobs.