More amusement from children...

I am currently marking children's English tests...which is why I haven't blogged very much for ages, as every spare second I'm reading their papers. It's not always very easy. Unlike maths or science where the answers are mostly just right or wrong (but not always, before anyone starts moaning at me) you have to look at their writing and draw out all kinds of information to level their work. You need a very sound knowledge of grammar just for starters, and also a seer stone wouldn't come amiss sometimes--my mind boggles on occasion just trying to decipher their writing or dodgy spelling, bless 'em. But sometimes the sentences they write make me chuckle or raise my eyebrows in amusement or sometimes just make me guffaw out loud. You can also tell when the teacher's been giving them a lecture about, for example, using better adjectives...when they actually include the lecture as part of their "fun, exciting, interesting and nice" writing! Ha!

Anyway, my favourite things said so far...writing about a game of 'Ponies' as a playground game: "...and you tell them to candter - means run slow, tort - means jog, and gaoopla - means sprint" Gaoopla???! LOL!!! And I thought a tort was a pie...just shows you. Or there was a kid who said that most ponies are girls. Uh huh. If you say so. They must all fight something terrible over lone pony-boy.

And then there have been some funnies written about doing a treasure hunt too, like the kid who said the treasure should be a whoopie cushion (parp! Hands up who thinks this child is a boy?) or someone who said that for their treausre hunt they would invite the Queen and let the Head Teacher go free (Ach, you're sure now? Very kind) and make sure Security are with the Head all the time (can you just see the two big burly, skinhead, sunglass-wearing guards following the Head round the school?). In fact, this child said he would "make sure" the queen would come and (this was my favourite bit) "make a posh people area." Can I be in the posh people area?! I'll throw my teddy out of the pram if I'm not in there! Bet the Queeeeeeen gets to go in there (I heard she was being made to come you know) *sulk*

Of course, not all children are so generous. One kid said that whoever found the treasure then had to give the treasure back to the person who the stuff belonged to. What a crap treasure hunt! Of course, if the Queeeeen was there and I was in that posh area, I might still be swayed to attend....

Another child made sure that people understood that during this treasure hunt "...if a child runs away they will not do it." Absolutely. No running away! Of course, we could always pen them in the posh area.... And one child was very concerned about those security guards not doing their job properly as they said that we should bring a knife in case a big giant bug might attack and we shouldn't be silly either because we might wake up the werewolves. However, they also said that if you believe in magic it will come true. Perhaps they could magic the bugs and werewolves away then, instead of resorting to violence?

And then there are some fabulous spelling mistakes--"plarm trees" and drinking "coonut" milk. Nummy. Coonuts! My favourite. I wonder if the Queen likes coonuts?

But my absolute, 100%, Number 1 favourite made-me-pee-my-pants answer was a kid who was asked: How can you make a treasure hunt more interesting for the treasure-hunters?

And their reply?

"Sell it on e-bay"

I laughed SO hard for a whole minute!! I wanted to give the child a mark just for making me howl!

I still have a few more tests to go before I'm done marking, so this post may very well have a Round 2. Meanwhile, I'm off for a gaoopla down to the kitchen for some coonut milk.