Sunday, October 22, 2006

Why I don't scrap enough...

Nearly every single day I awake and think "I'll get x, y and z done and then sit down and scrap a page". And does it happen? Does it, my backside. Because there's always something to do. Today is a prime example. I thought, "Now...although I have loads of retreat stuff to do still, because it's Sunday I'm not doing it. Nor am I going to do the washing, dusting or [insert some other inane household duty here]. Keep the Sabbath day holy ya-di-ya-di-ya. So...after we've had dinner...or perhaps even when Celyn's off abed and because Jane Eyre finished last Sunday, I shall scrap for me, me, me and have a relaxing Sunday evening".

That's what I thought. It's what I think quite often. But what actually happens is a hundred other little things. Because? Because I am a woman and women never stop. "A woman's work is never done" eh?

My thoughts reminded me of something I read on UK Scrappers ages ago, which made me howl with laughter:

How To Shower Like a Woman

  • Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
  • Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
  • Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
  • Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair.
  • Shave armpits and legs.
  • Turn off shower.
  • Dry off all wet surfaces in shower.
  • Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
  • Get out of shower.
  • Dry with towel the size of a small country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
  • Dust the shelf below the mirrow.
  • Clean teeth, and then start cleaning the soap/toothpaste etc. off of the sink.
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  • Get dressed and replace towels neatly over bath/radiator/towel rail again or put them in the laundry basket.

How To Shower Like a Man

  • Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
  • Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
  • Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
  • Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
  • Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
  • Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
  • Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
  • Wash your bum, leaving those bum hairs stuck on the soap.
  • Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
  • Wee.
  • Rinse off and get out of shower.
  • Partially dry off.
  • Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
  • Admire willy size in mirror again.
  • Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
  • Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
  • Throw wet towel on bed.

Perhaps if women approached life more with the "shake your boobs and make a woo-woo sound" approach, we'd get more scrapping done? What do you think?

7 comments:

SmileyCarrie said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Fantastic post Chrissie!!

LOL LOL LOL

I think we women should make a pact that by Friday night we must:

"shake our boobs and make a woo-woo sound"

atleast once. And see what we accomplish that day ;)

Nat said...

Somebody emailed that to me while back and it had me in stitches - it was the "woo-woo" bit that got me going!!! How true is that?!!!

Beadyjan said...

And heres me thinking I was married to the only lunatic in the world - woo-woo !!

Very funny - thanks for putting a smile on my face!

Vanessa and Rebecca said...

rolf!!!!!! sooo funny!!!!

domestic goddess said...

i am sure i ahve seen taht before, but i still howled with laughter!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lol! Too funny!

Tracie H said...

Teee heee heeee.
So Im not the only one with a whoo wooing hubby!